Money Troubles

Edwin and I had one of our rare heart to heart talks last Friday night. Rare because Edwin and I can talk about anything and everything under the sun but not the topics that really matter. Our marriage is one. Money is another. And last Friday, I found out that our marriage was never immune to the money problems that plague normal marriages. Oh, Edwin and I have money troubles just like any other couple but I never thought that "it" might become "THE PROBLEM". I never used to have problems with money because I refuse to make it so. I have work, income and financial support of my parents. Things were easy on the first few years of our marriage because we only have Leilalia to spend our money with. But the frequent confinement in the hospital during our daughter's 2 years of life drained our finances and we had to take out loans to cover expenses. Then Jianna came along and the expenses got steeper. It has become difficult to make ends meet and we have to rely on DAMPC to cover most of our living expenses. It is good that Edwin and I have TEVs and honorariums from projects to augment our income. But oftentimes, I have to ask my parents or sister for some money to buy even Jianna's milk. Life has become so hard and we have tightened our belts to the last hole. Much as I want to provide my children all the beautiful things they deserve, I simply do not have the money to do so.

To find out that Edwin's reason for his erratic temperament of late is my mentioning of money problems hurt me so much. At first, I was dumbfounded because he thought that I have been spending too much where we should be saving. Whatever extra money we have I always make sure that it is spent for food and other necessities. I don't care about fashion or gadgets and I can make do with secondhand clothes or "ukay2x". But it would seem that I have not been saving at all. It's startling to find out that for all my advice to Hya on frugality and money management, I, myself, is guilty of the things I have been preaching. There was a time in 2007 that even in my sleep I worry about money and when morning come, I still have not found a solution. I became so haggard from lack of sleep that there was no other way but to accept it. It is in my acceptance of the inevitable that I found peace and finally sleep.

After Friday night, Edwin and I have reached an understanding. If we have been frugal before, we need to be more frugal today. To learn to appreciate what we have now and not look or long for something better when it is not feasible to do so, yet.