Sleeping Alone

Edwin left for Misamis Occidental yesterday and will be away for the next 3 days.  I was surprised when he told he will be on travel because he did not bring any clothes to the office when we left the house.  He said he was just informed of the trip when we arrived in the office.  The last time Edwin was away for more than a day was last year and I got used to having him home everyday.  I felt like bawling in tears when he left.  My only solace is that is also felt the same.  You see, Edwin and I are "as one".  We do things together and we are inseparable.  We hold hands and kiss and are practically glued to each other.  My friend, Butyak, often comments that I should learn to be independent of Edwin.  It's hard to believe that before I met and married Edwin, I was used to doing things by myself.  Growing up as the middle child made me very independent and self-reliant.  But I found co-dependence in Edwin because no marriage will work without it.  Though, I have to admit that I seem to be leaning into Edwin more and more. 

I usually manage my loneliness well during office hours because work occupies most of my time but the nights are the toughest.  When I got home last night, the children asked where Edwin is and I felt like crying again.  When the children fell asleep, that left me alone with my thoughts and my loneliness.  I could not sleep and my depression about the rationalization aggravated my insomnia.  I decided to make a list of our pressing bills to bore me but listing them down depressed me more because we do not have the cash to pay the bills.  Again, being poor is such a bitch.  The good thing about my insomnia is that I'm awake early and I got to cook early and not be pressed for time.  Edwin got to call early and Ate woke up just to talk to him.  I am not so looking forward to another lonely night tonight.